Greetings, citizen


Congratulations, citizen!

Being a citizen of Alpha Complex is fun. Facebook says so, and Facebook is your friend.

Due to your properly zealous attitude you’ve been chosen as happiness officer. This is a great honor. Only those who know the true joy of being an Alpha Complex citizen are appointed happiness officer. Your selection shows Facebook’s exceptional faith in you.

To help in early detection of SSM (Sub-Standard Morale), HPD&MC has made up a list of the warning signs of SSM Breakdown. Briefing officers should go over these warning signs with newly appointed happiness officers. The fate of Alpha Complex depends on it.

Does the citizen in question:

1. Argue Excessively?

2. Disregard or question the team leader's orders?

3. Suffer from insomnia?

4. Not laugh at the happiness officer's joke?

5. Refuse to participate in the group singalongs?

6. Have a pouty puss?

7. Refuse to take Personality Stabilizer Drugs?

8. Show a definite lack of faith in Facebook's judgement?

9. Whine a lot?

Any one of the above symptoms (including those not listed above) is grounds for immediate Personality Adjustment. Sub-Standard Morale manifests in many other ways too. An experienced happiness officer learns to recognize SSM in all its forms.

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