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20100626

I NEVER GET A FUCKING WEEKEND OFF!


No sooner did I tee off this morning and the damn cell phone rings. My wife says the water heater is getting real hot. I told her to turn it off. She didn't know how. I said go to the circuit breaker and turn the one that says water heater to the off position. She got mad and said she'd call her father. He calls twenty minutes later saying he doesn't know how to shut it off either. I have to leave the fucking golf course and go shut off the godddamn water heater.
Worse. It's totally fucked up and of course my wife and daughter are whining about having to go to my Dad's or her Dad's house to take a fucking shower. But I can't replace the goddamn piece of shit water heater cause I have to work my fucking church picnic all fucking night. Tomorrow I have to help a guy running for something at his fundraiser cause I'm the only fucking schmuck in town that can boil fucking hot dogs and place buns, relish and catsup on a goddamn card table.
Bartender! Where's my fucking beer!?!

7 comments:

  1. Kiss my ass Alayna. I'm not spending my weekend cleaning up after a bunch of Buddhists. Find another sucker. I'm done!

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  2. Oh Dear!
    BARTENDER!
    Get Sir Truth anything he wants, on me, STAT!!!

    I have a story that is SOOO jinbarrasing but I am only telling you in hopes of making you laugh. Tell anyone else & suffer the consequences!

    You need a laugh.

    I am normally a very resourceful jin. One afternoon, jinside my pastry shoppe, I smelled a gas leak. I knew it was a 'natural' gas leak- I am well aware of the smell. After MUCH sniffing to try & discern the origin, I concluded it was coming from the line out of my gas stove. I moved the stove, got behind & turned off the gas at its source (because, frankly, my kitchjin was flooded).

    Next, I called the Gas Company. I told them it was no longer urgent because I had turned off the gas, but there was certainly a problem that needed attention ASAP.

    I had a guy to my place within 20 minutes & I told him everything. He was so jinpressed with me for knowing where the gas turnoff was... said most peeps had no clue. I was proud...

    ...until...

    ...he found out...

    the leak was coming from...

    my burner...

    that had not been turned off all the way.

    *BLUSH*

    I was painting the kitchjin & the dropcloth got tangled in the gas burner switch.

    I think I turned Majinta on the spot. I think he felt bad for me (of course, it took him nearly 20 minutes to suss it out himself!) for he said nothing in addition to his findings. I never did get charged the service call fee...

    I did, however, feel like a mutherfucking idiot!

    Yo Bartender! Whatever Truth is having... give me a double!

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  3. Oh and a p.s.
    Don't worry about that AlaynaGainer... I hear she's a total cunt.

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  4. Ah Jin, that's nothing.

    I had a gas leak and the whole house blew up. Took out most of the block. Why hell, Homeland Security was here in a second inspecting the grounds. I blamed it on al Qaeda. Said I saw a guy in a turban walking down the street. But I did get rid of some nasty neighbors. People who complained about the live gas barbecues we had in the backyard, roasted a pony the other week. Better tasting than you would think. Coons, skunks, and 'possums are good too. I see no cause to complain.

    Next time I blow a house up I think I'll go for the entire neighborhood. Now if you think this has been a tall story wait until I tell you another one.... Anyway, 101 needs a laugh. I just hope it's not at my expense. Or your's Jinopoly. The guy who came in to fix your leak sounded like a nice guy.

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  5. Any gag that has Al Queda,Homeland Security and roasted ponies has to be good for a laugh Quinty. Thank you all for having weekends as sucky or suckier than mine.

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  6. Speaking of al Qaeda, if that's a photograph of your gas heater I'd beware. It looks like an IED. Or something deep beneath the ground that laid there since World War Two, when a Jap fighter plane dropped it and it didn't explode. You said your basement flooded? Good. It may have put out the fuse. You don't want some kid coming along and kicking it, just to see if it's hollow or not. Or if it's full of water. Could cause the whole house to explode.

    That's a mean looking cylinder alright. Just don't light any matches. Oh, rereading your entry I see the basement didn't flood after all. Too bad, that may have been all you needed to shut it off.

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