Open

20100303

Caption this photo



"I suppose you're wondering why I've called you all here..."
Posted by Ben Varkentine

6 comments:

  1. jazzolog3/3/10, 4:24 AM

    "This bed is under review due to possible Bedtime Terms of Service violations and is open to sleepers only. You 2 look to be fooling around."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nausicaa3/3/10, 9:44 AM

    Just what does training your human entail?
    A host of fun things you must do without fail:
    The sofas and rugs need a little makeover.
    The La-Z-Boy's target for kitty takeover.
    Then sleep on clean towels placed in the guest bath.
    And make their best clothing a target of wrath.

    Tear down those new drapes with a quick forceful tug.
    Then tatter the pile of the new Berber rug.
    And when they are sleeping, you block off their nose,
    paw at their lower lip, chew on their toes.
    Strut on the mantle. If they give any flack,
    knock down their trophies and all bric-a-brac.

    Shed on mom's new velvet black evening gown,
    as she's headed out for a night on the town.
    If they leave you home all alone for the night,
    (Any human doing this can't be all that bright),
    They're telling you by leaving, it's perfectly all right,
    To totally redecorate 'til dawn's early light.
    Knock over tables and chew up the fern.
    Hurry, go faster! Soon, they'll return...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ben Trovato3/3/10, 10:51 AM

    And remember, kittens, when in doubt or trouble, just ask yourself: "What would Spot do?"

    The phrase "What would Spot do?" (often abbreviated WWSD) became popular in the 24th century around Stardate 43999.9 as a personal motto for thousands of cats who used the phrase as a reminder of their belief that Spot is the example to be followed in daily life, and to act in a manner of which Spot would approve. The initialism WWSD has the alternative meaning "Walk with Spot daily."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Quinty3/3/10, 3:47 PM

    God that I had the character of a cat! (Referring to WWSD.)

    Though I don't think I shall become a Libertarian.

    Un-herdable I may be, though running with a mass...

    Of Capitalist lapdogs perhaps?

    Or the Booboisie homegrown satirists have remarked upon?

    Cats are totally unaware of their own beauty, which is also why they are so beautiful. Though animals in nature must know there is beauty, or else why would some, the peacock, for example, preen and strut to be admired? Though even in that they do so without narcism or self consciousness. But beauty must be a universal attribute, merely judging from that.

    The Tiger is the king of beasts. More beautiful by far than any lion. Tiny cats in our homes are a blessing. Don’t you agree?

    ReplyDelete
  5. jazzolog3/4/10, 4:36 AM

    The rest of Nausicaa's poem~~~

    The Beginning

    Training your human is a thankless task.
    "Why bother with it?", some kittens may ask.
    The fate of the world is the issue at hand,
    as felines worldwide stake a claim for their land.
    Make no bones about it, we cats own the joint.
    We spray in the corners to drive home the point.

    Some say the meek shall inherit the Earth,
    But they've no fangs or claws, for what that's worth.
    The cat is the ultimate species, you see,
    We're poised to usurp man's authority.
    These silly old humans who cannot play nice!
    We cats are peaceful, we hate only mice.

    ReplyDelete
  6. jazzolog3/4/10, 4:37 AM

    And The End

    When they try to punish, you mustn't show concern.
    (All attempts of discipline a pussycat should spurn.)
    A snide flick of tail will convey no remorse,
    but they will try harder to scold you, of course!
    So, hide in the closet until they forget,
    and then launch out just like an F-14 jet.

    Tear up their ankle, their forearm, their hand,
    then when they've had all the pain they can stand,
    dart from the room while they call 9-1-1,
    and celebrate victory: The felines have won!
    To humans, however, the battle's begun,
    as they steep in their anger and wish for a gun.

    Pathetic and lumbering and clumsy to boot,
    My friend, human dominance is really a hoot.
    Take charge in your home. It's destiny, meow.
    (The verses above have already told how.)
    So sleep for an hour, and then grab some chow,
    And then train your human, beginning right now.

    ~ Author Unknown ~
    http://rosas-yummy-yums.blogspot.com/2007/09/weekend-cat-blogging-117_09.html

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)