Medical Advice Up Your Nose

The Cow with the Subtile Nose
Oil and enamel on canvas
Good advice today at Keillor's Writer's Almanac~~~

Doesn't Matter What It Looks Like
by Hal Sirowitz
"When you have blown your nose,
you should not open your handkerchief
and inspect it, as though pearls or rubies
had dropped out of your skull."
The Book of Manners (1958)
After you have blown your nose,
Father said, it's not polite to look inside
your handkerchief to see what it looks like.
You're not a doctor. What's more important
is getting the handkerchief back into your pocket
without staining your pants. There are some things
it's better not to look at. It should be left
to your imagination, but if you have
a strong desire to look you can always
find pictures of it in a medical book.
"Doesn't Matter What It Looks Like" by Hal Sirowitz, from Father Said. © Soft Skull Press, 2004.
Furthermore, latest research demonstrates you never should blow your nose. What happens is your blood pressure shoots skyhigh, and mucus is driven into your sinus cavities where you may infect yourself even worse than you already are. It is better to let it dribble out, and keep dabbing your nose (mustache, beard, lips, chin) with your hanky as necessary.
If you have a cold and must blow your nose, do it delicately one nostril at a time. And don't look, even if something huge came out. And best not to ask the waitress if it looks all clear up there. Retire to the restroom for inspection.

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